Christmas On My Own

Tonight's the first Christmas Eve I would be spending alone. Vince is back in San Francisco with his family. I thought that I wouldn't feel so bored and lonely since I was supposed to work today. But the hospital cancelled me because my unit had only ten patients. And with five RNs it would have been overstaffed. They, first, put me on call; and Ate Caring, the Charge Nurse at night told me that I may be called in, but I wasn't. So I spent the whole day cleaning, packing for my trip to Cali, surfing on the net, reading blogs, reading magazines, reading books, watching part of a movie. Still I was bored.

I went for a walk to Vince's apartment to check if the book he was waiting for came in the mail today. I didn't find any packages in the lobby of the apartment, so I just went back home. The walk back home was long and cold. I almost wished I didn't go out of the house. But sometimes boredom makes me venture out and brave the cold. It finally hit me that winter is indeed here. I saw the gloomy days...weeks... months... ahead of me. How can I endure another winter here in Chicago??? The thought of going back to San Diego for ten days cheered me up a bit. Six more days, four more work days.

When I got home, I ate dinner, took a shower and got myself ready for bed. I was doing fine, until I realized that tonight's Christmas Eve and I am alone. I am used to spending Christmas Eve with family and/or friends. I can't say that I am lonely or sad. It just feels different. I hope that my family and friends are spending their Christmas with their loved ones and that they are happy. I hope that they appreciate the time they spend with each other. I hope that none of them will ever be alone on Christmas. And hopefully, I will never again be spending Christmas on my own.